MEMO #5 I MISSED: DO NOT SKIP DINNER BEFORE A NIGHT HEAVY DRINKING.
Via Lauren, who made me aware that I had missed this memo when she explained that she has missed this memo for a long time. It was probably sent out during Freshman Year orientation at college. Minus dinner plus liquor equals Ouch.
Hey Crazy.
![Memo #4 I Missed: Emoticons
I, for one, am glad I missed this memo. My best estimate is that it was passed around circa 1995. If I had to guess, I was probably busy expanding my palate via complicated orthodontia and therefore ignored a memo written in the language of colons and closing parentheses. Probably because of this, everytime I see an emoticon I want to punch it in its face. Hard. Luckily, most of my friends also missed this memo and feel similarly. To quote Nina:
“I thought emoticons were for secret conversations between girls, 8th graders, or irony.”
Lauren’s take:
“I must say I’ve dealt with this a number of times and every instance has merited an extreme response (i.e. ostracism from online social networks, attempts to contact betsy’s indian lover, decode emoticons altogether, solitary confinement in a padded room with emoticons plastered all over walls…), and of your suggestions, I would have to say punching the emoticon in the face would be most appropriate. But the question is, how does one do that? I have petitioned the virtual gods to form a gchat coalition to police the growing number of emoticon crimes. We have been inundated with emoticon abuse for too long, and we must take a stand before we are stripped of all our rights as humans cruising through cyber space.”
[Editor’s note: I do not have, nor have I ever had, an Indian lover. Lauren is referring to a single blind-date I went on with a man who may or may not have been of South Pacific descent and also claimed to have invented Facebook. Needless to say, I did not return his calls. However, whenever we have a technology question/complaint we wonder if his computer skills could have solved it had I kept in touch.]](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kosh9szcNJ1qa0yiwo1_r1_400.jpg)
Memo #4 I Missed: Emoticons
I, for one, am glad I missed this memo. My best estimate is that it was passed around circa 1995. If I had to guess, I was probably busy expanding my palate via complicated orthodontia and therefore ignored a memo written in the language of colons and closing parentheses. Probably because of this, everytime I see an emoticon I want to punch it in its face. Hard. Luckily, most of my friends also missed this memo and feel similarly. To quote Nina:
“I thought emoticons were for secret conversations between girls, 8th graders, or irony.”
Lauren’s take:
“I must say I’ve dealt with this a number of times and every instance has merited an extreme response (i.e. ostracism from online social networks, attempts to contact betsy’s indian lover, decode emoticons altogether, solitary confinement in a padded room with emoticons plastered all over walls…), and of your suggestions, I would have to say punching the emoticon in the face would be most appropriate. But the question is, how does one do that? I have petitioned the virtual gods to form a gchat coalition to police the growing number of emoticon crimes. We have been inundated with emoticon abuse for too long, and we must take a stand before we are stripped of all our rights as humans cruising through cyber space.”
[Editor’s note: I do not have, nor have I ever had, an Indian lover. Lauren is referring to a single blind-date I went on with a man who may or may not have been of South Pacific descent and also claimed to have invented Facebook. Needless to say, I did not return his calls. However, whenever we have a technology question/complaint we wonder if his computer skills could have solved it had I kept in touch.]
Memo #3 I Missed: Act Your Age
One particular memo I missed was sent about five months ago. This one said, and I paraphrase, “Breen, you are 24-years-old.” These days I feel like I’m either 19 or 65. I find it very hard to be anywhere in between. Tough times, these missed memos.
Memo #2 I Missed: Fancy Phone
In college, I knew two people with blackberries. I thought they were both over-achieving geeds. Now everyone but me has a technologically-advanced phone. Somewhere along the way I missed the memo that a phone that can send emails, get directions and buy Elton John concert tickets was a rite of passage into adulthood. On the plus side, my Razr makes a sweet bleep-blop noise whenever I try and send the highly-sophisticated “textual message.” So. There’s that.
Memo #1 I Missed: Blogging
I missed the memo that was sent out circa 1999 that people should have a (legitimate) blog. I thought blogging was for tools.
Pretty sad I missed that memo.
